


Beside You, by a Frozen Sea

by little_specificity



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan)
Genre: First Time, Guilt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27829207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_specificity/pseuds/little_specificity
Summary: "You shouldn't stop fearing me," Bane said."I know," John conceded.He wasn't absolutely terrified of him like the first times they had been alone together. Bane let his eyes soften in front of him. Some things couldn't be helped.
Relationships: Bane (DCU)/John Blake
Comments: 6
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you should post a thing just because you finished it, and you feel like it's the last thing you'll finish in a while
> 
> The title's from "Awful Sound (Oh Eurydice)" by Arcade Fire. Edit: I just remembered there was an actual frozen sea in the movie lol it was a metaphor

"Hey," John whispered when he opened the door of his apartment and saw Bane standing there. He always greeted him in a soft voice, just in case, but he knew that a number of his neighbors knew of his visits anyway. It was hard not to notice him, no matter how silent Bane could be when he wanted to. Those days, everyone peeked through their peepholes as soon as they heard steps in the hallway.

Bane didn't reply, he simply nodded and entered the apartment when John moved aside. He walked towards the window, as always, and drew the curtains. Only the small lamp in the living room and the colorful lights of the TV screen illuminated the place, adding to the feeling of being in a dream that John always felt when Bane paid him a visit.  


At first, John would lean on the door as they spoke, with a hand near the pocket in which he hid a knife. Most times, Bane would stay silent and watch John get nervous and angry and try not to show it. Amusement would fill those grey eyes and John would hate him, hate him so much that it hurt. Then Bane would ask him some question about ethics or hope masked in simpler topics and John would answer going right to the point.

After months, John realized that Bane's silences were not meant to measure him or to intimidate him; they meant curiosity. Bane watched John because he had never seen such a fire in someone, a person who would be bold and challenge him despite being terrified. Someone who had learned to interpret the look of his eyes.  


"What's on your mind?" John asked when Bane was even more quiet than usual.

There was a beat of silence and John muted the TV. There was only one channel after the occupation of the city and it only transmitted old movies, mostly for children. It made John smile, but sometimes it was one of the small things that made him cry when no one was watching. It would have been more fitting to just turn the TV off in the presence of Bane. To have cartoons on when Bane was in his house was an insult to the act of hope it meant, to scared children, to the person who made sure there was something for them to watch and distract themselves from the world. But John needed the colorful lights. 

"Don't you fear me anymore?"

Bane used a tone of voice that John had heard a couple of times, in past visits. It was slightly softer than his usual one. More careful. Vulnerable, John dared to consider in the privacy of his mind. Talking about birds, sunlight, rats and stuffed animals had made that tone appear – which made John form endless theories about Bane’s past – but never as evident as that night.

"I still do, but less than before," John answered truthfully. 

John would never forget the feeling that seeing Bane sitting in his living room caused him: like _he _was the one intruding. Bane fitted perfectly in the darkened room, and it felt emptier every time he left.__

__"You shouldn't stop fearing me," Bane said._ _

__"I know," John conceded._ _

__He wasn't absolutely terrified of him like the first times they had been alone together. And Bane let his eyes soften in front of him. Some things couldn't be helped.  
__

__Bane sighed deeply. It was the first time John heard him sound like that, like he was exhausted._ _

__"Are you tired?" he asked._ _

__"Yes," Bane answered, surprising him._ _

__John thought about his next words for a second, a shiver in his spine, a thrill in his heart. He had betrayed Gotham every time he left Bane enter his home and then go, every time he didn’t even consider fighting. But most importantly, he had betrayed even himself when he found himself looking forward having Bane’s eyes in him and only him._ _

__"Do you want to stay over?"_ _

__Bane could kill him. Easily. He was actually planning to, given that he was the one who set up the bomb. But right there in his apartment, illuminated by the colorful lights of the TV and the dim light of a lamp, Bane looked at him as if he was the only thing he wanted in the world._ _

__Bane stood up, slowly, and started walking towards the door._ _


	2. Chapter 2

Bane’s powerful body wasn’t the only thing that kept on John pressed on the wall during his last visit, but also his eyes. John hadn’t seen them so close before. He saw the frustration, the anger, the desperation in them brightest than ever. He wondered if Bane saw the same in his. 

John intended to keep his eyes closed to avoid facing his betrayal at everything he thought was worth fighting for, but rough hands and skin on skin contact was impossible to ignore. And John didn’t want to. He wanted to open his eyes and pretend the world wasn’t about to end, that the man who was making his cheeks blush and his dick harden wasn’t responsible for it. He wanted to die, he wanted to keep on living, he wanted to fall apart and start again. 

Bane stopped before taking John, steadying his breath, to run a hand over his lips. They stared at each other in that position for what felt like minutes. John would always wonder if Bane was asking for permission, for confirmation or if he just wanted to prove something. Whatever it was, John parting his lips and grazing his thumb with his tongue was taken as a sign to keep going.

It was fast, it was brutal, it made John feel alive and finally shed the tears that weren’t because of innocent lives and madness on the streets. He pressed his forehead to the other man's and he stared and stared, wanting to kiss and bite, to moan and yell. He didn’t know anymore if the tears were because of pain or pleasure, for grief or for relief.  


Bane looked back that night before leaving and whispered something about birds and flying away.


	3. Chapter 3

He still greeted Bane with a soft voice even though there was no reason to. He still kept eye contact despite the force the other man radiated, how intimidating his mere presence could be. The difference was that his new home wasn’t dark, there was no little lamps and small TVs. Being alone with Bane didn’t feel like a dream – or a nightmare – anymore. John stepped aside without saying a word, without acknowledging the months of silence. He didn’t say anything about the world wanting Bane dead nor did he ask how he knew he could go to John.

John was tired of hating and fearing, he just wanted to have the other man close. The man that had ruined countless lives and had put Gotham’s weight on John’s shoulders. Bane walked slowly until they were almost touching, in that calm and collected manner that made John want to shove him or drag him forward depending on the day. 

His mask was gone, a scarf taking its place in the freezing weather. The silence was unnerving. The determination and curiosity John had known were gone from Bane’s eyes, giving space to a troubled and miserable look. John remained perfectly still as Bane got even closer, lowered his head and pressed his partially-covered face to his neck, inhaling deeply for the first time.

Bane murmured something about birds and flying, and John murmured something about bats and guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3 I would appreciate it if you let me know if you saw any mistakes since it's not likely I will read this thing again.

**Author's Note:**

> [ Come say hi on my Tumblr!](https://little-specificity.tumblr.com)


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